The end is always a beginning....

It's the classic tale of girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, and boy goes crazy and decides that he wants to try to get back with his ex and be with his kids. I started this blog as a way to journal my B rehab.  It wasn't a long relationship, only 5 months.  Long enough for me to see my life with him and be heartbroken by his seemingly all of a sudden change of mind (I know it wasn't a change of heart).  I might be in the denial phase of my grieving, but I am well aware of that and will be watching for signs of my delusion and if I miss any feel free to let me know, but nicely.

His background story:
B comes from a divorced family with the sweetest, kindest mom and the most misogynistic pig of a dad. She is remarried to a man that would do anything for her and her kids, and the pig is still going out and spending his adult life like a teenager.  His dad has some real issues and unfortunately has passed some of them down to his son.  B has a younger sister, S, who is one of my best friends (how we met).  When B was 21 years old, he met a girl.  They started dating, she got pregnant and had T, they bought a house, had cars... so she decided they should get married (she's catholic, no offense but catholics are NUTS).  He never proposed, never actually wanted to get married but didn't say, "I don't".  They weren't married very long when he found out she was cheating on him, in fact there was a time when paternity of T was in question (T is most definitely B's son).  So B moved out, she filed for divorce, they got divorced and 3 months later he went back because he missed his son and wanted to try to make things work.  They never got remarried and to make a long story a little shorter, 10 years of pain and misery, cheating and lying, and another baby later...B wants to leave.  He doesn't know when or how he'll do it, he just knows that he is unhappy and when the opportunity presents itself he would be gone.  He is 30 years old, T will be 7 and the baby, H, wasn't quite a year old when all of this happened.  I've left out a lot of the details and will circle around to them at some point I'm sure.

My Background story:
My parents are also divorced, I'm still close with both of them but I am living with my mom for right now (I pay rent) with my daughter, PBody.  I am a Blackjack dealer for right now but not forever, and I drive a... words can't describe how I get around.  Clunker doesn't do it justice.

My plan was to wake up this morning, fresh off what is and will be the most devastating heartbreak of my entire life and make a fresh start.  I am going to find out about a gym membership, shave my legs, floss regularly, quit smoking, smile and laugh.  It's 10am, I've been up about an hour and a half, made phenomenal pancakes (I don't need the gym membership to lose weight, I'm actually too skinny, but I want to get healthy and start training for a marathon, okay half marathon) I've smoked 1 cigarette so far, about to have another one, and talked to my mom on the phone.  I'm not doing too bad, I haven't cried yet.

By March 1st, I will be a nonsmoker, single mom that gets child support (My kid's dad is an asshole that isn't a part of her life right now, she'll be two on December 2nd) I will be in training for my first half marathon that is April 11th or something, moved into my first apartment all by myself and will have bought a new car. Whew. That's not too ambitious is it?

The man I love has decided that he needs time to go find himself, he wants to better himself for his 2 kids.  I absolutely respect that, however he is also going to counseling with his ex wife.  That is frustrating and a little rude but whatever. It will never work, there is too much devastation in their relationship and they could never be together again.  So, while I sit and wait for him to figure himself out I will be busy getting my life together... and this is my story.