Well today is Friday. I go to work tonight at 10pm which sucks but whatever. I haven't made a whole lot of progress this week, but I am able to sleep in my bed. I had a hard time going into my room because there was reminders of B everywhere, that's why I was going to rearrange it. I decided not to, I've come to a place of mild peace with all of this. I know I have to let him go and I have as best I can, but I'm not ready to accept that this is it for us. I have knots in my stomach. I won't be holding on but I'm not giving up. I'm not ready to erase him from my world, he became such a huge part of my life and I'm not ready to let that go completely.
I've just tried to stay busy, running errands, getting things done around the house. Everything reminds me of him. Everything makes me think about him, and just when the thoughts and the feelings of loss become almost unbearable, my phone rings. I know he is feeling this way to and that only validates the way I feel, I know we will be together again someday. Next week I am treating myself to a pedicure and that will remind me that he liked my feet. Our football teams are playing Sunday and I will try my best to just stay busy until it's over so that I don't think about how we would be watching it together and teasing each other. It's a tough time right now, but I just try to keep focusing on what comes next. Work tonight, pedicure next week, Thanksgiving, P's birthday, Christmas, New Years... but then I get the pit in my stomach because I wanted to be with him through all of that. I saw my life with him, and now I'm having a hard time imagining it without him. But I'm tough, I'll just be waiting.
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