Day 12

There's something about an ending that makes you think about the beginning.  Looking at my life, where I am and where I want to be, I start wondering how I got here.  Everything I've ever been through has made me who I am, but I definitely haven't made things easy on myself.  I chose the hard way every time I've been faced with a challenge in my life.  There's a part of me that wonders should I leave well enough alone or go back and rehash some of the bad decisions I have made and try to make things right?  Would it be selfish of me to revisit my past?  Would someone I hurt very deeply benefit from that?  I wonder if I have really put things behind me or if I have put a band-aid on parts of my life just to make it.  I don't know what to do, I don't know how to move on.  Everybody around me has just picked up and carried on and I don't know how to do that yet.  Why is it so easy for him to do that?  Just pretend that everything is fine, I am not a good pretender.  I can say that about my life, I have always been true to myself and my heart.  I am really hurting and I don't know how to fix it.